its 4 in the morning and i should be sleeping but i cant because theres a couple fighting outside. i cant tell if shes drunk or not, but shes hysterical. i can hear her running away from him, and hell chase after her, and then go "dina calm the fuck down. this is why!! youre such a maniac."
"dont you care about me? you woudlnt be doing this if you werent angry. please talk to me."
it sounds like me doenst it? with the begging, the crying. its so pathetic and so surreal.
sometimes i think about the way i react to everything - with so much emotion, and it makes me cringe. i wish i wasnt so transparent, i just dont react to sadness very well.
according to this book im reading, from an evolutionary perspective, sadness should be an adaptive trait as it stops us from doing things that hurt us, or caused us loss.
i dont know if this makes me sound like a depressed nutjob, but i disagree because i think most of the time, im always a bit sad. it may be because i think too much, and well, you know how that gets.
whenever i have idle time, im always psychoanalyzing my life, the things i do, the friends i have, the friends i dont have, the things i wish i could do...the list goes on and on.
this is a really really boring, pointless first entry, but other than finals, nothing is going on in my life. which i guess would account for the angst.
ive been really on edge lately - this past month has just been a rollercoaster. between exams, and papers, presentations and more exams, there was a boyfriend dumping me, a dad being mad at me, being in debt, and a bunch of other fun fun stuff.
BUT, summer is coming, and if i dont fail all my finals, its something to look forward to.
i promise im not a crazy.
and i promise im actually kind of fun.