theres this little chapel on guadalupe and 21st, that always has a few bums sitting on its steps. what really creeps me out though, is that everytime ive walked past those steps, theres this girl who just sits there. she really stands out with her clean pink dress. and she always wears really thick white powder on her arms and her face - its really obvious as i think shes naturally 5 shades darker than that powder she tosses on herself. she wears these white tights on her legs, and pink shoes too. her hair is blonde, but i dont think naturally so, and she always has a pink rose, that im guessing she changes everyday because i havent seen it wilted yet. its kind of creepy. its like shes wearing a halloween costume in the middle of the year.i dont think she says much either. i havent seen her ever converse with the people that share that step with her. what creeps me out the most though, is probably when i see her at nighttime. its so dark and dingy, guadalupe. and she looks like she glows.
i wish i had a picture to show you.
sometimes she sits there alone, her back hunched over and her elbows tucked into her, holding that pink flower. the first time i saw her was probably early this year in august or september, and i think at the time, i just assumed she was in theatre or was a dancer or something that had befriended the homeless people that sit there and ask every passerby for change. she didnt really start to strike me as strange till spring break this year, when id see her on a daily basis sitting there with the same outfit - it always strikes me as strange that her outfit is so clean too. everything around her is so dirty and brown, and it makes her seem that much more out of place - always holding a flower. its the kind of outfit that a little girl in elementary school might wear to a dance recital or for halloween, but from the looks of it this girl has to be at least 16.
i realise that its pointless to talk about her unless you actually see her, but ive never really written about her before. ive never really told anyone about how weird i thought she was except for once when i mentioned in passing to michael about the girl that just sits there in the pink dress and i asked him if hed ever seen her. and he told me hed never really noticed.
i guess maybe i just notice strange things. or maybe she just extra weirded me out that day because i had just walked out of seeing pans labyrinth at dobie theatre (which was amazing by the way) in any case... theres a weird girl that sits on the chapel steps on guadalupe and 21st and i see her every time im in town.
on another note, i have an exam tomorrow, which i loathe to think about. barb says i was pissy last night which i suppose i was a bit, and i feel kind of bad about it because i guess im not being a very good roommate/friend. yeah honestly, i dont know what it is either.
anyways im just taking a break from studying which ive been doing since 10 am or so (its about 1 pm) so i suppose its just cuz im majorly stressing out. plus this music is making me all contemplative. leave it to saint saens to bring out my inner torment, ha ha.
i wonder if i have a competitive complex which makes me dislike a lot of people. or just makes me irritated very easily. or maybe its just this damn music. i listen to this stuff whenever i do some hardcore studying, and really i can hear his frustration with whatever it is thats on his mind. Its like hes screaming in the middle of the street. its agonizing. (or maybe im crazy and no one else can hear the torment that i hear?)
you know how people say classical music is beautiful and soothing and hwat not. i dotn know if its just the composers that i listen to or the particular pieces that i listen to, but rarely do i find it soothing. its beautiful but only because you can hear this aggression in the music no matter how slight it is. like in beethovens pathetique? he sounds like hes drilling something. like hes angrily poking the keys. its like how i type when im pissed. sending out little shocks of anger at whatever my fingers can poke at. bam bam bam. and then he calms down and it gets all soft. its like that feeling you get when youve been crying hysterically, and you take a deep breath and it all goes away for jsut a second before the second wave hits. its really obvious in prokofiev's montagues and capulets. oh wow that piece starts off angrily. i suppose given the name, its supposed to be so. still, that piece is filled with so much turmoil and angst.
you know what? i miss the piano whenever i get into my odd thinking moods. i miss touching the keys and i miss making the sounds that im making.
i remember this one time i was playing the grande valse and i started to cry. (and then meikui hit me cuz it was in the middle of a lesson and she said it was rude. which i suppose it was?)
i miss home. i want to be home right now. i wish summer would be here sooner. 10 more days till school ends. 10 more of the longest fucking days ever. 10 more days 4 more exams.
i wish schoolwork didnt require so much damn work.
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