I remember a long time ago, when I had just gotten into Nirvana, I went to the library and read his published journals. I remember feeling conflicted about reading it, because a lot of Cobain's fans were pissed that Love punished them.
But I read his journals. I enjoyed reading his journals- and doubled my admiration for his creativity. He has this really interesting way of stringing unlikely words together to get his point across.
Eh- thats not really my point. I remember reading "Dont read my diary when I'm gone" on the inside cover of the first page of the first journal. I know that it may have been purposely quoted on the first page for introductory irony in publication, but still. Writing such a statement kind of implies that he expects an audience, right?
I've kept journals for years. I think since I was in 5th grade. Maybe earlier, I dont remember, but I only have recollection of writing and keeping them (the actual books) starting when I was ten. I started out writing mini "articles" - GOD I KNOW, I thought I was a wonderful reporter back then - about people I met at school, or things that irritated me (Pokemon and Birthdays) and maybe trying for profundity, wrote lengthy editorials about each. I dated and titled each of these, and I'm pretty sure I was writing for an audience. In the future? My parents? Who knows. Almost the entirety of that purple book was written for someone that would come by, read my opinions and then tell me (or at least think to themselves) how deliciously insightful I was. I think growing up, because I actually tried very hard to please my parents- because I think my dad always thought I never took school seriously enough- I actually may have purposely placed my journal open on my desk hoping they would read that.
When I started my first crush, I think that was when my journal turned "private" in the sense that I would write about my unicorn rainbow lollipop feelings, etc. But I think I still wanted someone to read it- in the future. Okay, I'm not going to recap my journal life anymore- I'm beginning to feel like a loser.
Anyways- since I've hit hard times through college, I've been conflicted about my journal postings. I want someone to share my feelings with- but at the same time, I dont want people to think differently of me, or know my secrets and hurt me (which sounds extremely emo-panda, I know. )