i dont know why i havent been able to study since my accy exam. i keep getting distracted with talking to people. yesterday i had this amazing conversation with my roommate from 5 years go (when i went to chamber camp in positano italy).
talking to her is like talking to myself - only get sent to a hospital for being a crazy.
we talked about so many things, school, boyfriends, music, movies...it was refreshing. im hoping that ill get to see her this summer, FINALLY i havent seen her since i left SFCM.
we started showing each other pictures, and then i ended up looking through all my old pictures of high school and then freshman year in college. and you know what? michael is so beautiful. sometimes i forget how gorgeous he is.
i probably sat there for an hour or so just looking at pictures of him and it made me miss him so much. i miss touching his face, i miss the warmth of his hands, i miss the idiotic way he smiles when hes trying to be cute...i miss the way he hugs me and makes all the ugly things plaguing my mind go away. and then i remembered how in high school we used to read shakespeare to each other over the phone, how i used to be so excited to go to school just so i could see him again...
i miss him, and i hate being away from him.
when i was younger, i had in my mind this idea of what my first love would be. he was going to be romantic, he was going to do all of these cute things for me, make me elaborate gifts, and he was going to sit up with me and cry when i was sad.
michael isnt like that. he never really was. and when i was younger, i used to get mad, throw those hissy little girl fits that makes every guy in the world hate women.
i know most people will agree with me when i say that long distance relationships suck. but the one thing that i like about it, is that it made me realise how much he really loves me.
i remember this one time he forgot when my birthday was, and it bothered me for a long time. what made me feel better was when i realised all the other little stuff he does for me.
when i used to cry because my parents and i were fighting, he would always take me in at 2 in the morning when everyone else was sleeping. and when i wanted to go home, he would insist on driving me the 3 minutes home, just to make sure that i was home safe. when it was cold and raining and i wasnt wearing enough, he always gave me his sweaters and held onto me as we were walking home, making sure i was warm enough even though the next day he would be coughing up phlegm and sniffing facefuls of snot. i remember he would always be so excited to come home from school so that we could sit at his computer and play videogames and watch movies. i remember how happy he was when i taught him piano and how excited he would be coming back and telling me how well he did during his
lessons. we used to run together during the summer, and come home and camp around his ac vent because it would be so hot. and then afterwards he would take me to country inn on saratoga ave. where we'd eat blueberry pancakes with mayple syrup. i remember when college first started, i was really paranoid about him meeting pretty girls in texas. but then all of his friends started friending me on facebook, and this really cute girl that he had been telling me about messaged me and told me that she had had dinner with my boyfriend and a few of his friends and he didnt stop telling them about me. and so the first time i talked to them they already knew all these random things about me. and it made me worry so much less.
i remember how when we came home for breaks, we would cruise around and night singing to the killers at the top of our lungs. and everytime we looked at each other hed have the biggest goofiest grin on his face. he sings completely off key, but he looks so happy doing it, its wonderful to listen to. and i love how he tries to teach me all the things hes into. ive ended up playing halo with him (badly), wow, magic cards, and poker. and it doesnt bother me when he plays because i love hearing him talk about soething he really enjoys. his eyes light up and he starts talking really fast, and his smile gets bigger and bigger. its adorable.
ive been with him for almost four years, and never once has he ever pressured me to do things that i dont want to do. and i know that we fight sometimes, as everybody does in a relationship, but still, i love being with him. hes amazing, and i wont delude myself into thinking that well be together forever or anything, but i do hope that well be together for a long time, because i really enjoy being with him, and he makes me happy the way no one else can. and i know that im really lucky to have him reciprocate what i feel. so when i say i love him, i know i really do.