stop. just please, STOP. all of this. STOP DOING THIS TO ME.

so its taken two weeks, but im finally- for the most part- moved into my new apartment.
its crazy, having a full house- 5 girls plus guests that constantly move in and out. in the past week, weve had 4 guests that stayed the night, and then some.
theres been a bit of upset, I think we all disagree on some things- money-wise- and we need to talk some of that out, but im telling myself that this year, if it gets bad, i wont let any of it bother me.
because i need to learn.
because i cant let anything affect what im at school for.
because disagreements are a learning process that i havent fully aced.
because i want to grow up.
michael left this morning (he came with me earlier to help me move in), and its only been a few hours, but i miss him already.
for most of the latter half of summer, i was a bit confused, but im so homesick now, and i really miss his company. i hate that feeling- going back home the morning he leaves. it feels strange crawling back into bed alone after ie gotten used to his smell, the feel of his skin, cool and damp from the humidity of the air, against mine at night. I miss the way his body takes the bulk of the bed, the way he rolls over me in the mornings, the way he breathes down my neck and buries his head into my throat. It feels strange not waking up next to him just after id gotten used to his warm body next to mine soaking up every feeling i have inside.
Yesterday we went to see the Bourne Ultimatum and on the way there we were on this bus where these asian guys were speaking in mandarin. As always, michael asks me what theyre saying- i think he likes that in secret we can peek into peoples conversations when they dont know it.
Anyways, i was transelating these two guys behind us' conversation to him, when they began to talk about me. They said that I reminded them of this japanese girl they didnt like- een my face shape was exactly the same. I was too skinny and my eyes were too big...that girls like me wore shorts and tank tops and baseball caps. flip flops.
when they started tlaking about me i stopped transelating to michael. And when he pressed me about it, i told him id tell him later, after we got off the bus. You know, its strange, listening to someone talk about you objectively, as if they dont know that you can understand. And part of me always wanted to know what people thought of me- honestly, unbridled.
I wasnt really insulted really, i think its because i reminded them of someone they didnt like which probably is why they dindt like how i looked, which is better than if they said i looked like a fat pigeon (I honeslty have heard some guys refer to one of my friends that way).
Later, when i recounted the story to barbara, michael stepped in and hugged me asking me if i was okay. I said i was fine,and then he kissed me. He told me that i should have told him on the bus, he said he wanted to deck them one, and he told me i was beautiful.
At that moment, it woudlnt matter to me if those guys had thought i was the ugliest girl in the world- it wouldnt bother me one bit because the most wonderful guy in the world loves me and thinks im beautiful.